FATHER KNOWS BEST

 Lately I have been thinking about my Dad, who passed away in August.  My Mom called me yesterday; I asked her how my father felt about me being his son.  My mother thought about it and said, 'He thought that you are very strong man.  He admired the way that you have handled the challenges in your life,, and he admired the fact that you were helping others  living with HIV.  He was very proud to be your father, as I am very proud to be your mother."  I nearly fell off of te couch, as my sister and I are not told that our parents were proud that of us.   We seldom heard this as children or as adults.   My mom probably does not know how large a gift that she Brad just given me.  I told my mother that I had been a huge disappointment to him.  My whole life.  My mother ther told me that my father never felt that way.  In my head I had always told myself  that my father wanted another son, a son who liked sports, a son who did not have AIDS, a son who was not gay.  A son who was robust and healthy.

What a waste  negative thinking causes,  good thing that I am working on it in therapy.  My perception is distorted.  I waste too much time telling myself what a rotten man I am.  The never ending tape in that runs through  my mind, how utterly worthless  that I am.  But people say otherwise.  Perhaps I need to listen to them and change the tape.

Thanks Dad.