it is Christmas Eve Day and I am so sad. I have a lot to grateful for, but all I can think of is the sad things. Believe me, I tried really hard to get into the holiday spirit. But nothing seemed to work to pull me out of this, whatever 'this' is. So I have just accepted this depression; this is where I am: sad and wishing that the holidays were over.
Why? A very good friend that I gave made here is dying. I am incredibly honored and humbled that he has made me a part of his journey, it is so painful to witness. But I am very grateful that I can be here for him. He has pancreatic cancer. I am also learning about myself: I would do almost anything to make his life easier. The negative thought that always tells me that I only care about is myself is slowly losing its power.
I am also having some delayed grief at my father's death, which was over a year ago. I am a lot like him.
My cat has diabetes, and I am physically and financially unable to give her insulin. I tell myself that I am a failure.
I am having difficulty moving in from the disastrous results of the presidential election. I am very scared.
I had been seeing the same doc and going to the same clinic for many years. I loved my doctor! Then he was promoted and the clinic stopped meeting my needs, so I had to switch.
Enough gloom and doom! 2017 is going to be better!!
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